Thursday, June 02, 2005

The True Horror of Star Wars

For all of you who hated the Star Wars Prequel Trilogy...

you have not suffered the TRUE HORROR: The Star Wars Holiday Special.
No really, you truly cannot understand exactly how awful Star Wars Could Be until you have endured the full 2 hour Television Event from 1978. I recently acquired a copy and Suffered through the whole Miserable Mess.

It all started when I searched for "Star Wars" on the Internet Movie Database. I was curious about an entry on that came up - The Star Wars Holiday Special.
As I read the comments about it, I thought to myself, "It couldn't possibly be that bad."
So I got a copy, I invited Brian over (because I read that you shouldn't watch alone)
And I was wrong, It was infinitely WORSE!!!

Let me hit what I think the highlights are.
Wookies screaming for 2 hours with no subtitles
Carrie Fischer and Beatrice Arthur singing songs to the tune of Star Wars Tunes
Art Carney Flirting With Bea Arthur
A Perverted Wookie "mind-porn" Film (why a Wookie's Fantasy is a Scantily Clad Human is Beyond Me)
Slow, Slow, Slow, Slow, Slow Editing
A hive of scum and villainy Crying
Truly Bad Acting
No Lightsabers, except for in a flashback to Episode IV
Mark Hamil Looks like a Girl

The Cartoon wasn't too bad though, I could watch that again. In fact, I wish the whole thing were a cartoon. I understand that the same company that did this cartoon, did the Droids and Ewoks cartoons. I'll have to pick those up sometime.

I now understand why George Lucas is quoted as having said, "If I had the time and a sledgehammer, I'd smash every bootleg copy."

No comments:

Post a Comment